You must go through the valley to stand on the mountain⛰
- Tonya Rose
- Dec 7, 2020
- 10 min read
Updated: Feb 25, 2021
Eighteen. That's how old I was when I had my first baby. Also, 18 is how old I was when I got married. Nineteen is when I welcomed my second and third child into this world. Yes, you read that right. Found out when my son was 5 months old that I was pregnant again. Found out at 20 weeks it was twins! And twenty one was when I became a single mother with 3 kids.
Let’s just say I had to grow up real quick.
I didn’t have people I could go to and get advice from about this part of life I was going through. I didn’t have someone that was going through what I was going through at the time. I was young. I was young with 3 babies under 3. And I was young going through a divorce. I was going through a divorce before most of the kids my age were even married for the first time. So I had to figure everything out on my own! Trial and error.
First day of Daycare
(not a very great picture of us but it means a lot to me)
Just a little of what I was going through at this point in my life.
Going through a divorce at 21 and I was taking care of 3 kids on my own.
I was paying for everything on my own. Which meant I was working 3 jobs. No child support. The only support I received was from food stamps and help with my daycare from the government so I could work to take care of my babies. (Which btw at the time I was so embarrassed that I had to get food stamps and help for my babies to be able to go to daycare) I am the type of person that didn’t want to ever have to rely on anyone or anything to help me. But that changed real quick. It was the only way I could take care of my family and that’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
All my money was going to rent and utilities. I had zero extra money.
Because of certain circumstances my car.. my only source of transportation was repossessed while I was at work one day. (I can remember a coworker of mine coming to politely tell me my car was getting repossessed while I was work. I had to walk outside, more embarrassed than I had ever been, and get my belongings out of my car. Do you know how hard it is to get 3 car seats out of your car... Wondering how you were even going to pick them up from daycare that day? I bawled while getting my things out. How was I going to get home? How was I going to get my babies from daycare? How would I get them to daycare every morning and me to work every morning? I was the only one taking care of them? I remember my kids telling everyone that my car was getting fixed because it was broke.)
Bankrupt. Bankrupt is not a word you think of when your 22. But it was knocking down my door. I couldn’t pay for my car. It was repossessed and the only option I had was to file bankruptcy. So, the option of buying another car was a big NO. My credit was shot. And paying cash for one was not an option. I had zero dollars to my name.
Not only was I going through all of this but my divorce took 2 years. 2 years of not being able to close a door. To move on. To try to start being happy again.
Number 7 goes with 6.... Move on? Start being happy again? Who would want to be with someone who already has 3 kids? Who is broke? Who can’t take care of the kids she has? Who is bankrupt and has zero credit? What did I have to offer someone but a whole lot of baggage and debt?
This is just a fraction of what I was going through. So, after a year of trying to live on my own with 3 babies.. I knew I couldn’t continue using the only money I got each month for rent and utilities. I needed to try to save for a car. So after my year lease ran out. I moved me and my 3 babies into my parents back bedroom. It was humiliating. Here I was.. No car. Living off the government. Working 3 jobs at one point. Couldn’t afford a home for my kids. Bankrupt. Living with my parents. Which btw, I am so thankful my parents let us come live with them.. but remember I was prideful. I didn’t want to have to depend on anyone. So it was definitely a punch in the gut.
We all slept in this bed in the back bedroom of my parents. Oh, I miss all those snuggles.
Good memories
Just a little side note.. My kids had no idea how hard life was during these couple years. They thought it was the coolest thing to get to move in with their grandparents. For us to get to sleep together every night. To have friends and family get to come pick us up all the time to take them to daycare. Even though I felt like I was a terrible mom because of our circumstance.. They thought I was the coolest. Who else gets to see their grandparents everyday? And live with them? And sleep in bed with mom every night. At the time, I associated not having material things like a car, house, money, etc meant that I was a bad mom... I wasn't seeing life how they were seeing it at the time.
Those 2 years were the hardest years I had ever gone through. And it made me bitter. I was so mad at God. Now, I grew up in church. I was saved and baptized at a young age. But during those 2 years I ran. I ran from God. I didn’t understand how God could allow something like this to happen. Every. Single. Thing. in my life was going wrong. And I blamed God.
I made sure when I didn’t have my kids that I was keeping myself occupied. So hanging out with friends was what I did to keep my mind off not having them there. I knew I could not be by myself or I would break down and cry. I would think about all that was going on and I didn’t want to think about it. So on the weekend I didn’t have them all of us would go hang out at our local sports bar, drink, and listen to the band play. Harmless fun. But I knew I was using it to not have to think about what was going on. I knew deep down I was mad at God. I had quit going to church. I quit talking to him. And now I was at bars, drinking to keep my mind off of what was going on. Not that I think anything is wrong with drinking. Not that I had a problem.. But it definitely wasn’t helping. And even though at the time I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong.. I know now that it was leading me down a very bad path.
The turning point..
I remember one day I was driving (I had borrowed my brothers car) It was a little green Honda.. you could only open the door by rolling the window down lol. We called it the Hulk lol.. As I was driving, I just started bawling. I was feeling sorry for myself. I started talking out loud to God. Well, more like hysterically crying. What was I going to do? How was I ever going to get out of the mess I was in? Why was He allowing all of this to happen to me?? How would I ever be able to get my own car? How would I ever stop working 3 jobs? I was missing so much time with babies.. They are only little once and I was having to spend it working non stop. And then he spoke to me.. On the radio...Mountain of God, by Third Day came on. If you’ve never heard of the song or not sure what it says.. Let me share the chorus.
Even though the journey's long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who's gone before me
You will help me carry on
After all that I've been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God
I literally have tears as I type these lyrics. I finally knew. I knew I was having to go through this valley. I still didn’t understand why but I knew for some reason God needed me to. He spoke to me that day. I honestly could feel him wrap his arms around me and Him tell me that he had been there the whole time. Even when I was running from Him. Even when I was mad at Him. Even when I blamed Him. He was there. I wasn’t alone.
From then on I knew I had to get my life together. I quit going out to bars. Quit drinking. I stayed at home. I put myself around family and true friends. I started praying and taking it one day at a time. Things started changing🙌🏼
My divorce finally ended after 2 years. The courts stepped in and made sure my children and I started receiving the help we needed to support them. And he brought me a guy that changed my life. Girls, I remember praying and crying out to God for a man that would love me and my babies. Someone that would be a man and take care of his family. Someone that loved The Lord. And by golly He gave me all that and more. He gave me that when I quit trying to pick my husband. When I let him bring me someone.
Now this is a story in itself but when I was going out with my girlfriends we’d always meet up with some of our best guy friends. He was one of the guys. We all knew him as, Moo.
This was the first picture of us- friends still at this point
Sometimes when I had the kids.. my friends would come hang out with me at home so we wouldn’t be by ourselves. He would always jokingly (👈🏼or so I thought) text me later and be like “you’re gonna be my wife one day” .. but I just assumed he was just being a guy. I mean no one really knows who their husband/wife is gonna be one day.. Or so I thought... He was also a guy, who at one point and time when I was high school, I despised. (We still laugh at this lol) No matter how many times I said no, just friends, or pushed him away.. He showed me time and time again.. that he wasn’t going anywhere. A lot of the reason why was because Moo didn’t really know me. He only knew the fun Tonya. The one who laughed. The one who danced at the bar. Who sang karaoke. The one who looked like she had her life together. Not the mom who was broke, bankrupt, carless, and that cried herself to sleep every night. But really he knew. He paid attention. He would show up to work and pick me up. He would offer to give me a ride to pick up my kids from daycare. He drove a little S10 btw. Can you see us all piling in his truck? He would borrow his moms car so he could fit us all in lol! No other guy was ever worried about my kids. When everyone else was going out he would show up up at my house with pizza and a movie. While everything was so uncertain in my life.. He was the only thing consistent. I remember one night I was crying out to God.. asking Him who was going to want me and 3 babies.. And he told me Moo. God told me right then and there that the man I had been praying and crying out to Him for.. had been standing right in front of me the whole time. Oh, and Moo will probably hate that I am saying this... but ladies.. There are still men out there that aren't just there for one thing. It took Moo 3 months of dating before he even tried to kiss me. He was at my home constantly and never once over stepped his boundaries. There would be times that we would fall asleep watching a movie- or should I say I would fall asleep watching a movie.. And he would cover me up, turn out my lights, lock the door behind him, and go home. Wait for a man that respects you. That falls in love with you, for you.
Remember how I told you that he would "jokingly" tell me I was going to be his wife one day... Well turns out God and Moo had been talking too. He told me later that God told Him that I was going to be his wife one day. Chills. Another thing that will blow our mind... Moo had always, always said he would never marry someone who had kids... Turns out God had to change his heart a little or should I say X3.. Didn't take God long because Moo fell in love with my kids wayyyy before he did me.
Finally, one day he left my house. He texted me and said I love you. He always said that btw for as long as I’d known him. I texted back and said love ya too. He texted me back and said “ No. I really love you. Like really love you. I want to do this the rest of my life. I want you to be my wife. I love your kids. I want us to be a family and I want to take care of y’all”
October 25, 2014♥️
So here we are. Married for 6 years with 5 kids. A man of his word. He treats me like a queen and loves my children more than anything in this world. He goes above and beyond to take care of us. He's one of the good ones. The kind you find when you don't even look one. And he's all mine.
This is us
August 2020
This is just a little of my testimony. Just something I wanted to share to those who are dealing with something similar. Those who are struggling right now. The mommas who feel like they are failing. The ones going through that hard divorce. The single girls out there not knowing their worth. The ones hanging by a thread. I’m here to tell you that sometimes we don’t understand the things that happen. Sometimes things don’t turn out quite like we plan. I know what it’s like to feel alone. To feel as though you’d be better not in this world. To feel as if there is no way out.. But let me tell you that the devil is a liar. He wants you to feel this way. He wants you to feel like there is no hope. He wants to keep you from all that God has for you. He wants you to blame God. But God has a plan for us. Far better than we can ever imagine. Don’t lose your faith. Keep your head up. Lean on The Father. He loves you. He wants what is best for you. And remember you are strong!! You can do far more than you ever thought you could. And sometimes I believe God has to show us just how strong we are. I mean.. How will you ever know if you can climb the mountain if you don’t start in the valley?
Xoxo, Tonya
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